two years
and the fears
are still
eating my soul
two years
and all i want
is to feel love again
i don't want to be
scared anymore
i want to see
the rainbow
because i'm fucking
sick of rain
i'm sick of
feeling empty
i'm sick of
looking at my phone
because no one
ever fucking calls me
i'm sick of hearing
how happy everybody is
fuck your high-paying job
fuck your fiancé
and your bullshit engagement
fuck how everything
is falling into place for you
fuck your benz, bmw,
and whatever other fucking car
you're driving in
fuck how you think
you're too good
to talk to me anymore
i will never forgive
how you forgot
four years of your life
how you jumped out
of the airplane
with the only
fucking parachute
how you made me
believe you loved me
how you made me
believe you would
always love me
one way or another
now my heart
beats hate
my veins pulse
with anger
the hole you left
has been filled
with a surplus
of alcoholic rage
smoky numbness
stupid poems
and dried out tears
i am jealous
insecure
paranoid
and unable to
believe that anyone
really gives a shit
about me
even when that person
looks me in the eyes
and says
i love you
my mouth might say
i love you too
but inside i'm saying
BULLSHIT
don't fucking lie
to me
you stupid bitch
what kind of
monster have you made me