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silent warrior

Tick, Tick, Tick
Says the Clock
To me.

I look at you
And wonder
Where are you?
The one who let me
Love again.
Who is this girl
That I'm kissing?
My kiss shows my love,
But why do I love you?
Just because you say
You love me?
Do I just need that
Reassurance that I
Too can be loved?

I don't know you anymore.

Silent warrior that
Tears at my heart.
Your unsaid words and
Unfair expectations
Make me feel like shit.
Then you build me up
With your hugs and smiles.
You hold my hand to
Show me it's alright.
The only thing is,
It's not.

Who am I?
Who is writing this in
Brick red crayon?
I don't know who I am
I don't remember the last time
I did.
I miss me.
I miss you.
But I don't know
Where you've gone and
You say you never left.
But I know better.

I wish I didn't care.
I wish I could be content.
I wonder if it's because
I can't love or can't be loved?
My mind rambles and my heart is lost.
What does the future hold?
When will you realize that
I'm not the one for you?
Will you deny it and
Pretend your heart's not broken?
I'm sorry & I apologize deeply
For all the things I've done to hurt you,
Especially for all the things
You'll never know about.
I think I sabotaged our love
So I wouldn't marry you.
You don't want to marry me.
I'm crazy. LOCO.

I'm so lonely. Not alone, but lonely.
I wish you knew me.
But then you wouldn't love me.
If you really knew me
You'd hate me.
So, I wonder when you'll
Find out about who I really
Am and decide to leave. It
Won't be easy. But
It is meant to be
Not forever.
These times were fun,
I won't deny that,
But the clock keeps
telling me
Tick, Tick, Tick
It's almost over.

{ b a c k }